October online edition

Da playas gonna play

Pittsburgh Standard

There is a question we all sometimes ask ourselves, and that is "Why do all the people I like, not like me, and why do all the people I don't like, like me?" What is up with that?

I just can't understand why two people can't figure out that they like each other and go from there. The game is fun, but I am so tired of playing the game. I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to.

I think too many girls are trying to be something that they are not to attract guys they don't even like. There is nothing I like more than a girl that is self-assured. Too many girls are out to impress, but they forget that impressing is the guy's job. The girl's job is to enjoy every minute of it and let the guy know that.

Call me old-fashioned, but guys should do the planning and pay for dinner, and to such things such as these to impress their woman. For a girl to have a guy interested in her all she needs to do is answer his questions, let him treat her like the princess she is, and laugh at all his jokes. It really isn't all that hard.

Girls and guys are always looking for that significant other. A guy just needs to be a ladies' man, and a girl just needs to be a man's lady. And that's about all I got to say on that.

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Men are from the "O" and women are from "Starbucks"

Erin K. Johns
Pittsburgh Standard

There’s something about the male sex that has always puzzled me.  Well, aside from the fact that they are obviously from a different planet.  Why is it that girlfriend, no girlfriend, whatever…they are always on the look out for something a little better?  What is it about guys that make them think they should always be on the prowl?

            Dorm life has definitely given me plenty of exposure to all of this.  It was only a day after I arrived at this fine institution that the routine floor checks began.  Every male floor has sent at least one representative, if not their whole entire floor, to go door to door in order to “meet people” or “pay their respects.”  All of this politeness is just a cover-up, an opportunity for the boys to check out the fresh meat.  And boys, as oblivious as you think the female sex is, please note, we aren’t stupid—we always know exactly what is going on.

            Trust me, it’s nice that you want to “expand your horizons” and reach out in order to meet “new and different people,” but maybe, just maybe, sometime in the future, you’ll stop preying on the prey and let us get some sleep.  It’s nice that you boys want to meet so many of us so badly, but, if you keep it up, we’re going to have to instill calling hours or an incredibly scary bodyguard.  I’m not trying to be cruel.  I’m just trying to give you a proper warning.

            I suppose men can’t help it.  They have a voyeuristic impulse when it comes to specimens of the opposite sex.  I know that you’re new or we’re new, but if you want to look, you’re welcome to visit—just don’t disguise your intentions with lies.  We all know what you’re up to, and we know that by the time finals come around, you will have narrowed your spectrum to a few precious numbers.  You’ll have located the perfect meat, and you’ll intend to do whatever you can to get some.  Hey, I understand, you’ve got to release stress somehow.  If you’re looking for the perfect girl, then turn in your applications now.  But if you’re looking for a chance to check it all out, come back after finals: we’re closed for business.

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