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 Deborah Chen
 Staff Writer

Editors Note: The quotes are presented as given without any changes even if there are grammatical errors.

How do you know if you’re in love?

That question has been posed to me in various forms, whether they were pesky ‘does he love you/do you love him’ quizzes on Facebook ads or anxious friends dipping into the tidal wave dubbed ‘first relationships.’  Many of us agree with the quote ‘People have an inherent need to love and be loved,’ but when we try to apply it to our lives, we pause.  How do we really know, without a doubt, if we love someone?

In the instance of my first relationship, I scrambled to make love an action, rather than a noun.  Looking back, it grew slightly ridiculous.  I’d naively written in my notebook my goals in the name of love, goals ranging from ‘learn how to cook’ to vowing to become prettier. I wanted to love that person so much, but unfortunately for me, there exists no litmus test for love. 

The only solution I saw was to keep acting in ways that I thought were love, such as constantly trying to improve myself for his sake.  But despite my efforts, the problem always narrowed onto the same point: love is intangible, thus, how could I know if I truly loved someone?  “Better prove it to myself over and over” was my reasoning.

That question continued to arise in my spiritual discussions with my college friends.  Throughout the conversations, I always circled to my core belief: God is love (I John 4:8).  Somehow, that belief provided an anchor for my faith.  My anchor was this: if human beings only acted out of a drive for survival, then love was unnecessary.  Animals get along with reproduction just fine, especially our friends the rabbits.  Same with cockroaches.  And I usually did not associate true love with the insects wading in my toilet bowl.  So what makes humans different?

In the Christian faith, I believe that we were made in the image of God.  And since I believe God is love, we too were called to live in loving relationships with each other and with God.  That, however, led me to the same question: what exactly is love?  And how do we live it?

Armed with that question, I consulted my friends through Facebook and received a heap of answers.  I asked my old youth group from home (most around the middle school age) and a Christian chapter called Asian Intervarsity in the University of Pittsburgh.  Which reminds me. Most of the respondents are also predominantly Asian. Not all.  But most.  I figured I’d throw this disclaimer: I’ve consulted an extremely narrow demographic.

Nevertheless, the responses I received came in a bewildering range of formats: quotations, songs, excerpts from books, responsibilities, a picture, and even math equations, most far exceeding my quota for one sentence.  While there were certainly differences in the definitions of love, the majority of responses seemed to portray five recurring themes: trust, freedom, sacrifice, goodness, and acceptance. 

As I mulled over these themes and responses, I realized a correlation between God and love, that God calls for us in the Bible to love one another and Him in the same way that He loved us by giving us the freedom to choose Him, sacrificing His only son Jesus, and accepting us for who we are, so that we may trust in His goodness. I find it a point of interest that both the entities God and love have been revered and sought after by people throughout history and in all cultures.  God and love have also been cited as the reason for living by many people, yet many have a hard time explaining what they are in the first place. Therefore, I have attached the responses I received.  The following represents only a thread from the tapestry of definitions people have for love.  That being said, I encourage everyone to take their own means to explaining what God and love are and whether either holds any meaning to them.  Maybe then we can recognize real love when it is given and received in our lives.

 Mainly Middle School Students from Old Youth Group:

Todd Schreiner March 29 at 6:03pm Reply ßYouth Leader

Hey Debbie,

I would say love is mostly about commitment and trust. However, in order to make a romantic love relationship to work you must have a love that is comprised of commitment, intimacy and passion.

Commitment is about about trusting and sticking with someone through it all.

Intimacy is about the close bonding and sharing of friendship.

Passion is about the physical attraction between two people that creates excitement.

Those are my thoughts...

Love to see the article when you are done!

God bless,
Todd.

 Anna Chen March 29 at 4:33pm Reply
GOD IS LOVE. WHO IS WITH ME? I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE BECAUSE I SAW ABOUT TEN OTHER PEOPLE SAY THE SAME THING ON THE SIGN-UP.

 Anna Ling March 29 at 4:56pm Reply

I'm sorry Debs, the first thing that I thought of was that silly song. Well, TWO silly songs. Larry and Barbara Manatee. And "What is love? Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more."
(GOD IS LOVE.)

Stephen Xu March 29 at 7:22pm Reply

Trust, respect, and sacrifice.
: )

 Anna Chen March 29 at 7:35pm Reply

"Love lifts us up where we belong! Where eeeeeaaaagles fly! On a mooounnntain high!"

 Andy Sun 黑 March 29 at 7:54pm Reply

love = ai

 Samantha Sainato March 29 at 7:54pm Reply

Love=God
God=Answer to EVERYTHING.

Andy Sun 黑 March 29 at 7:56pm Reply

not everything go[d] does not equal sin ...

Samantha Sainato March 29 at 7:59pm Reply

well,
God= Answer to Life.

Ellen Chuang March 29 at 8:21pm Reply

if you love someone, you care for and trust in him/her more than you do for yourself

Anna Ling March 30 at 6:12pm Reply

alright, i know this is copyrighted, but it's awesome. i love this story. it makes me feel all warm&fuzzy inside. The Secret of Prince Charming by Deb Caletti. that's where it's from. i don't own this stuff.

If you find someone that you LOVE who is charming, remember this. If you look up "charming" in the dictionary, you'll see that it not only has references to strong attraction, but spells and magic.

Love isn't drama. Real love is THERE, not something out of reach.

You always hear that you'll know when it's right. I've even told my daughters that without really experiencing it myself. Before, I always asked, Is this it? Is this the right they meant? Is this the knowing? But it's true. You do know. And you don't have all those questions. You just know. All this time, they were right.

And finally, my favorite page out of the book.

Sometimes you think that you’ve found love, when it’s really just one of those objects that are shiny in a certain light—a trophy, say, or a ring, or a diamond, even. Glass shards, maybe. You’ve got to be careful, you do. The shine can blind you. The edges can cut you in ways you never imagined. It is up to you to allow that or not. You are the protector of yourself.

The most basic and somehow forgettable this is this: Love is not pain. Love is goodness.

And real love—it’s less shiny than solid and simple. It’s the stuff of sunflower spirals and seashells, where there is beauty and mystery, but where there is logic, too. You do not need protection from it. It is not about lies that someone else tells you or that you tell yourself, but about the truth. Real love is clear. It’s as uncomplicated as that shell. It’s as timeless.

When you find it, if you find it, pick it up. For all the right reasons, pick it up and hold it close.

Some of these quotes, you just have to read the book. But you get the general idea...yeah?

GOD IS LOVE.

Sophie Hsieh March 30 at 6:33pm Reply

Love is the devotion u r willing to give

Kathryn Hassler March 30 at 7:36pm Reply

love is a feeling of strong attraction towards another person (luv my brother)

Angela Liu March 30 at 10:20pm Reply

love is not holding a grudge and forgiving quickly (aka, GOD IS LOVE). love is not forcing yourself on someone but rather giving them the choice (aka, GOD IS LOVE). love is wanting to be with a person forever (aka, GOD IS LOVE). these can be applied to other human beings, too, although God is the prime example.

Anna Chen March 30 at 10:25pm Reply

Love does not have to be requited....

No matter what the circumstances or changes, love is always constant and forever.

Love does not mold itself to fit the latest fad or flash of desire.

Love is when even when the world crashes down, it is there to bring you back up and remember that life is still beautiful.

Love makes you strong.

Love tests you.

Love makes you believe there is some meaning to your life.
"If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love..."

Victor Liu March 30 at 10:37pm Reply

love is simply acceptance and commitment. it is the most beautiful and most deeply desired thing.

Ellen Chuang March 30 at 11:33pm Reply

 Asian Intervarsity—College students

Rick Yao March 29 at 8:41pm Reply

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs17/f/2007/145/2/5/old_people_love_by_emohoc.jpg

 Saric Feng March 30 at 1:13am Reply

love must be sincere. hate what is evil; cling to what is good. be devoted to one another in brotherly love. honor one another above yourselves. never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
romans 12:9-11

Jon Cui March 30 at 1:19am Reply

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it does not, it was never yours to begin with.

Jon Cui March 30 at 1:20am Reply

Found the actual quote:
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

Saric Feng March 30 at 1:27am Reply

Love is like a butterfly. Hold onto it too tight, and it will suffocate. Hold onto it too loosely, and it will fly away.

Or something to that effect!!!!

Anonymous March 30 at 1:30am Reply

love is something you can talk about clearly when you actually experience it.

Saric Feng March 30 at 1:32am Reply

Love is something no one can adequately describe, even if they have experienced it.

Helena Li March 30 at 4:00am Reply

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. ~ Albert Einstein

Jennifer Yim March 30 at 11:03am Reply

“You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”

"Trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as trying to control who you fall in love with."

Maggie To March 30 at 11:25am Reply

From my perspective, love's gotta be more than just the emotions/mushy-gushy feel good stuff. The core of real, genuine love is a desire to sacrifice for another person, and sometimes it's gonna hurt or will require hard work. I forget who said it, but i think it's so true: love is what's left after being 'in love' fades.

Priscilla Chow March 30 at 12:33pm Reply

Love is where all good stems from.

Elysha Valera March 30 at 2:33pm Reply

I agree, love is about sacrifice. It's about caring selflessly- giving a part of yourself for someone without expecting anything in return

Elysha Valera March 30 at 2:48pm Reply

It's also about acceptance - Accepting the fact that people make mistakes, that no one is perfect, and being more than willing to help that person throughout their struggles, even if it means that you must hurt too

Jon Cui March 30 at 4:18pm Reply

"There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."
-John 15:13

The word "life" doesn't necessarily mean living, breathing, existing. Yes, you can die for a friend, but you can also lay down you life surrendering your hopes, dreams, and desires for them. However, if you truly love someone, your hopes, dreams, and desires will be one and the same.

Jon Cui March 30 at 5:15pm Reply

"Love is just a chemical, no matter the origin. We give it meaning by choice."
-Eleanor Lamb, Bioshock 2. Awww yeah.

Stone Zhang March 29 at 11:42pm Reply

y(Love)=trust^x. Y being the strength of love and x being the strength of trust. Thus the stronger the trust the stronger the love.

Michael Chon March 30 at 12:25am Reply

Love is the greatest gift known to man. It's more than just feelings. Love is kind. Love is trusting. Love is the reflection of your heart you can hide, but you just can't betray.

-Sorry I didn't do such a hot job at explaining this. I just caught second wind and decided to give you my two cents.

Michael Chon March 30 at 12:26am Reply

In better words, try 1st Corinthians 13.

Brian Hu March 30 at 7:52am Reply

Hope this song provides some inspiration ;).

Three of my own:
1) The greatest measure of our love is in our willingness to lay down our lives for another.
2) Love is a way of life that gives hope and brings change.
3) Love never expects anything in return.

LOVE by Jaeson Ma [Background Graphics]

www.youtube.com

Benjemin Miller April 1 at 1:08am Reply

love is not learned, its found. its unconditional. its unmistakable. its indestructible. improbable but not unattainable. its every emotion imaginable and it is nothing short of incredible.

Friends:

Rachel Elizabeth Feather March 29 at 6:01pm Reply

The deepest, most sincere form of love, is the unconditional love that one experiences through a relationship with her Creator, the who gave up His own son for her. (1 John 4:16, John 15:13)

Kevin Guo March 29 at 8:26pm Reply

Love is just a really ambiguous term that means different things to different people. Everyone experiences a feeling of caring/trust/compassion for another person, and the feeling is so abstract that people just call it love. I know that my perception of love is probably different than many people's, but i think generally, if someone truly loves someone, they will feel an emptiness if the people someone loves disappears. Other than that, I think that the way each person looks at love is different, and that there is no way to actually put how you feel in words.

Jennifer Hu March 30 at 1:03am Reply

I think love is being willing to sacrifice for the good of others.

Or is that just acting on compassion or pity? I suppose you could feel compassion/pity/caring without doing anything... But I think willingness to act is an important part of love.

There are a lot of emotions that are very similar to love, but I think the important part of love is caring about someone's wellbeing, even at personal cost.

Pity lacks respect, in a way. Admiration is too much respect. Compassion is too weak a word. Devotion is like love, yet I feel like it implies willingness to make someone happy, whether or not it's ultimately best for them.

Or you could try: "Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds."

Elizabeth Green March 30 at 2:32pm Reply

(I think)... Love is the ability to care for someone unconditionally. You excuse their faults, and no matter what, you always want them in your life. There are different levels and strengths to love, but ultimately, you know you love someone if when they are gone, they leave a hole in your heart, whether it takes time, prayer, or perhaps never even heals. Even when they are gone, they will always remain in your heart; always remain a part of you; because in some way they have changed you.

But love is an internal emotional connection with another human being and it can be only one way. I believe when you truly love someone, you will do anything for them, (want and do what is best for them) whether it be to actually give your life for them (the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made for all of us), to just love them back, or to let them go.

Olivia Downey March 30 at 8:44pm Reply

Love is when you can willingly and sincerely say that you care more about someone else than you do yourself. At least...that's my experience with it. :)

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