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“Daily, Domestic Violence Violates Women's Worth!”

Ramesh C. Reddy
Publisher

When I think about the high profile stories in the news regarding domestic violence, I cannot help think about what happens in India.  It is so saddening when I read in the newspapers, hear in the news, or learn about women who have been beaten by men who are their husband, boyfriend, family member, etc.  There should be no excuse at all for domestic violence no matter how a man or woman decides to justify it. Sadly though the years have changed, men can still be as de-civilized as ever when they raise their hand against a woman.

It is more destructive to me when it happens in the confines of a marriage when a woman leaves her father and mother to become the wife of a man hoping that he would cherish her, love her, and sacrifices for her.  Instead, she comes to the reality of a nightmarish relationship not only from her husband but many times his family too.  No wife should ever have to worry when her husband comes home, what would happen to her that day or night. But sadly that has become the case too often.

According to a BBC report titled, “100 Women 2014: Violence at home is India’s ‘failing’, “about once every five minutes an incident of domestic  violence is reported in India, under its legal definition of “cruelty by husband or his relatives”. (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-29708612)

As an Indian husband and father, it saddens me so much that there are so many Indian husbands out there that lay a hand on their wife regardless of the reasons. To be beaten is not why a woman marries a man. When a woman marries a man, she has so many hopes and dreams mostly about a knight in shining armor who would be her rescuer from all foes domestic and foreign. Yet, that does not happen in the case of domestic violence.

According to the same report, more than 54% of women and 51% of men said it was okay for a man to beat his wife if she treated her in-laws badly, neglected the house or children, argued with her husband, went out without telling her husband, was suspected of being unfaithful, did not cook properly, or refused to have sex. (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-29708612)

What is appalling is the percentage of Indian women who felt it was okay for a man to raise a hand against another woman. What that tells me is how lowly many woman are seen in India propagating the notion of property and slaves. A man should never treat his wife like property or a slave. It is attitudes like this that promote the prevailing culture of domestic violence under the guise of justification! HOGWASH! It is not okay!

A father and mother do not send their daughter into the arms of her husband to be abused, beaten, or neglected. It is hard enough for a mother and father to let their daughter go but it becomes a nightmare when they realize the man they thought would take care of their daughter is creating a nightmare for her. This is too common in India! It has to stop!

I heard of a woman whose mother was so happy regarding the man her daughter was marrying because he had a good job and was very loving towards her daughter.  That happiness turned into sorrow when she realized that her daughter faces domestic violence far too often and has to deal with a husband who shows more love to his own relatives than his own wife.  What adds to the nightmare is when a husband drinks, drinks, drinks and then beats, beats, beats at  home.

According to the Hazelden Foundation, there exists a strong correlation between alcohol use and domestic violence. In one study where there was “severe physical aggression (“defined as being kicked, hit with a fist, hit with an object, beaten up”), 38-43% of husbands were drinking. (hazelden.org/bcrup_alcusedomesticviol.pdf)

So, when I heard about the husband who comes home and beats his wife after drinking, I was not surprised but angered because this is too common regardless of the culture.

“Whose heart is filled with anguish and sorrow? Who is always fighting and quarreling? Who is the man with bloodshot eyes and many wounds? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new mixtures. Don’t let the sparkle and the smooth taste of strong wine deceive you.  For in the end it bites like a poisonous serpent; it stings like an adder. You will see hallucinations and have delirium tremens, and you will say foolish, silly things that would embarrass you no end when sober. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And afterwards you will say, “I didn’t even know it when they beat me up. . . . Let’s go and have another drink!” (Proverbs 23:29-35, TLB)

If husbands are to love their wives, they need to put her before their own desires of alcohol, smoking, gambling, drugs, clubs, etc in addition to whatever else makes them angry regarding their wife. Even if none of that happens in their lives, their hearts need to be changed from a heart of stone to a heart of love. The wife needs to be loved, loved, loved to stop domestic violence.

Laying a hand on a woman does not show manliness but cowardly behavior and shame that a man can only handle issues with aggression instead of love. If you are a man reading this, my hope is that this article does not describe you or someone you know but if it has, change, change, change, love, love, love!

“You husbands must be careful of your wives, being thoughtful of their needs and honoring them as the weaker sex. Remember that you and your wife are partners in receiving God’s blessings, and if you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not get ready answers.”  (1 Peter 3:7, TLB)

My beloved daddy who is with the Lord Jesus now was married to my mommy for more than three decades. I don’t remember even once no matter how angry he may have been with my mommy, raising a hand on her.

“Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.  It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.  If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, TLB)

I want to love my beloved wife as Jesus loves the church and if all men would love their wives that way, there would be 0% of domestic violence. I pray for that day!

“And you husbands, show the same kind of love to your wives as Christ showed to the Church when he died for her, to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s Word; so that he could give her to himself as a glorious Church without a single spot or wrinkle or any other blemish, being holy and without a single fault. That is how husbands should treat their wives, loving them as parts of themselves. For since a man and his wife are now one, a man is really doing himself a favor and loving himself when he loves his wife! No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body the Church, of which we are parts.” (Ephesians 5:25-30, TLB)

Even though the focus has been mainly on husbands and wives, domestic violence is not limited to just a husband and wife relationship but occurs among boyfriend and girlfriend, among family members, etc. Wherever it occurs, it needs to stop. Let us work together to eradicate domestic violence through intervention and prayers so there is not one more woman who faces domestic violence. 

Ramesh C. Reddy believes the only true solution against domestic violence is a heart transformation of love that the Bible talks about. He can be reached at reddy4HisGlory2004@yahoo.com

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