In a column titled “Fend off five-minute friends” appearing in the Pitt News on Thurs, Jan. 18, 07, Pitt News columnist Joshua Green wants you to have nothing to do with five-minute friends and even gives advice on how to avoid them. To Green, five-minute friends are actually those that victimize someone for the rest of their lives.

Green writes, “sometimes pieces of them will remain on their victims for the remainder of their lives. I am talking, of course, about five-minute friends.”

When victims come to my mind, it is those that have been hurt physically, spiritually, emotionally, or mentally in a capacity that brings damage to that person by the victimizer.

Someone who decides to have a conversation with someone they have never met and pours their soul out to them is not considered a victimizer to me unless they attack the person they are talking to.

To be a victim, there needs to be a victimizer who victimizes. Five-minute friends do not fall into that category for me. Green may have had bad experiences with those he labeled five-minute friends to become a victim but the fault may rest with Green than those he considers the victimizer.

It takes two people to make a friendship even if it is a five-minute friendship. After the five-minutes are over, if the people are not friends anymore, it is because of a choice made by one party or the other. Just because a friendship did not workout with a stranger who becomes a five-minute friend should not be a case study to fend off five-minute friends as Green wants you to do.

Not all people act the same way! However, it is human beings tendency to use their experience with one situation and make a generalization regarding everyone else. This should not be the case. There is no reason to avoid five-minute friends.

My experience is opposite to Green’s experience. I was at a football game in the front row all painted up. A stranger who seemed a little drunk comes down the aisle and asks if he could stand next to me to watch the game. He starts talking to me about the game and so on. This was a random encounter and he enquires about my game experiences and so on.

I have no problem talking to strangers because most friendships start out with someone who was a stranger in the beginning. Anyway, the game was over and he was so glad that I allowed him to stand next to me even though he came in the middle of the game and I forever stood outside in line to get front row seats. In the first five minutes of our encounter he considered me a friend, a random friend because it was a random encounter. I still consider him a friend who I had met randomly. He considers me as a friend too!

Green writes, “I have developed effective methods for avoiding oral transactions with anyone you don't already know.”

Green’s advice to all the 30,000 readers of the Pitt News is bad advice.

People will remember you by how you act towards strangers too! Anyone can act nicely towards those they personally got to know! That is not something great to be proud of.

When you are on a Pitt shuttle/PAT Transit, etc and someone you do not know says, ‘Hello’ to you, say, ‘Hello’ back. If they want to engage in a conversation with you and you are not busy, make time for them. If they intrude in your personal life that you do not want to share, let them know that but be kind. There is enough hatred and apathy in this world.

By giving them your time, you may not even know that you may their day. Each individual carries any amounts of baggage with them. Some carry little baggage and others carry a lot of baggage. They may need a helping hand and your listening ear could be that helping hand. Put others before yourself as students Dennis Muttu and Courtney Watson did before their death. If anything follow their good example of being there for others.

My hope is that you will be open to strangers talking to you and be a helping hand for them when they need it even it is for five-minutes. Five-minute friends are not victimizers unless you consider yourself a victim.

There have been strangers that I have interacted for a minute or so who have considered me a friend later. It can happen! It has to do with our own attitude and whether we put others before ourselves.

My philosophy to attain real JOY is to put “Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself third’

It has worked in my life and it can work in your life to. Give it a try, you will not regret the outcomes!

Ramesh C. Reddy sees Jesus Christ as His best friend but is willing to foster five-minute friends! He can be reached at rreddy@pittsburghstandard.com

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“Foster Five-Minute Friends Forever"

Ramesh C.ReddyPittsburgh Standard Thursday, January 18, 2007

Ramesh C.Reddy
Pittsburgh Standard

Thursday, January 18, 2007